he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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