I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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