seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
