I just saw a hot homeless man
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
