would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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