id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
