Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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