In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
