have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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