I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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