Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
