My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
