Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
