I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
