okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
