Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
