My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
