Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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