Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
