I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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