before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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