'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
