JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
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