Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
