Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
