My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
