i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
