I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
