I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
