tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
