He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
