His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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