If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
