You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
