Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
