I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
