Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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