Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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