You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
