So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
that may or may not have been my penis.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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