got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
