she woke up with a sticky ear
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
