Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
