Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
