So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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