Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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