I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
that's an acceptable place to lick
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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