I'm sorry my penis didn't work
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
