We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
