so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
